I Wanna Run Away
by malicious bunnie
Summary: I'd hate to give it away in the summary. Well, the story is about Chibi-usa's childhood, song-fic (LP, "Runaway"). R, for drug-use, abuse, and language.


"I wanna run away."

The room was dark, incense burned in a corner, and in the middle of a large bed lay a very confused, hurt girl. It was the middle of the afternoon, but you couldn't tell since the curtains were drawn so tightly as to not let one ray of light enter the concealed room. The girl, curled up in a ball, lay there and shivered uncontrollably as she remembered what had happened.

She recalled when it all began. It was her fifth birthday party. It was supposed to be such a fun day for her, but everything was ruined. Ruined, by two people that she could never trust again. Two people that she thought she could always trust and always love. But she could not trust them again, and with no trust, there could be no love.

It happened, after everyone had left. She was left alone, alone with those two people. She could remember, being in her bedroom when she heard it. The scream, like nails on a chalkboard, the sound of something hitting the floor many times. There was only three people in the whole palace. Her, her mother and her father and the scream had definitely been a woman's. She ran out of her room, scared like she had never been before and then she saw it. Looking through the bars of the handrail she saw her mother, at the bottom of the staircase sprawled out, her dress torn, her hair covering her face. She remembered the sounds, the horrific sounds of agony coming from her mother. 

__

Graffiti decorations

Under a sky of dust

A constant wave of tension

On top of broken trust

The lessons that you taught me

I learned were never true

Now I find myself in question

(They point the finger at me again)

Guilty by association

(You point the finger at me again)

Her father had been such a gentle and kind man. The thought that he had pushed her mother down the staircase, that had never occurred to her-- not then. She had, of course, rushed to the side of her mother, even now her mother's cries haunted her ears. Her father had been there, like she knew he would be, picking her mother up gently and carrying her to the senshi. The senshi would know what to, she knew they had a connection with her mother. She knew the senshi could help her mother.

Years passed and her mother and father fought. Every now and again. It wasn't everyday and for the most part, they were a happy family. Everyone knew they were a happy family, even she was ignorant to the fact that anything was wrong. However, as the days approached to her twelfth birthday party things began to fall apart. She had her friend over, they were planning for her party. She heard them fighting-- again. It wasn't a new occurrence to her; she was used to it, so she shrugged it off.

"Is that your parents?"

"Yes."

"Do they do that all the time?"

"Well, they just do."

"Oh."

Was it really that big of a deal? she wondered. She remembered her mother told her that all mommies and daddies fight sometimes. So, it was okay. It was okay. Right?

__

I wanna run away

Never say good-bye

I wanna know the truth

Instead of wondering why

I wanna know the answers

No more lies

I wanna shut the door

And open up my mind

That night she was woken up from a perfectly sound sleep by a sound. She rubbed her eyes and crawled out of her bed. She could hear voices, coming from downstairs, loud, angry voices. Curious, she tip-toed out of her room, into the hall, down the stairs, and toward the sound of the voices. By then, she had recognized the voices as her parents. They were shouting again. She couldn't understand why they were always mad at each other. That night, she would find out. She could remember exactly how the whole scenario had played out, as she stood there, in her cotton nightgown, watching her parents shout and hit and accuse.

"You fucking bitch!"

"Why do you have to do this Mamoru?!"

"Because you don't understand Usako," Mamoru growled and grabbed her by her wrist and yanked her away from the mantelpiece she was half-heartedly clinging to.

"Don't_call_me_THAT!" Usagi screamed into his face.

"I will call you whatever I want! You are _my_ wife! You are _mine_." He said as he threw her onto the couch. She crawled down the couch, trying to get as far away from him as possible, but the couch was only so long.

"We're in this for the long haul Usako," he said, leaning towards her, "we're the royal family, we're stuck, and you'll be mine, we're destined to be together, and we _have_ to keep this marriage going, because of the brat."

"Don't say that," she said, cringing at his words.

"You know it's true, you would have left me a long time ago, had it not been for _her_."

"No.. no, it's not true!" Usagi said, tears streaming down her face.

"Yes it is!" Mamoru said and slapped her across the face, "This is all because of _you_! I'm stuck! Forever, with _you_ and that child. You did this to me Usako, you did it."

"No! Mamo-chan! It's not true, we love each other! We did then, we do now!"

"No, Usako.. I don't love you. I stopped loving you a long time ago. But how could I just leave you knowing that Chibi-usa would never be born if I did?" he said, staring blankly at her. He grabbed her by the shoulders, his face, inches away from hers, "You hated her back then Usako, you did. I know you did. And you hate her now, you hate her because she has kept you here. It's _her_ fault we're still together, and you know it."

"I fucking HATE you! Stop it!" Usagi screamed, her crescent moon, glowing on her head, with strength given to her by her crystal she pushed him off of her and into a nearby table. He didn't get up. 

"Mamo-chan?" she walked over to him, and knelt beside him and checked his pulse. None. "Mamo-chan!!" Tears streamed down her face, and she was taken over by sobs. "Mamo-chan!" she screamed into the hands that were covering her face and as she took her hands off of her face, she saw her daughter standing there.

"This is all your fault!" she screamed, pointing at the pink-haired child.

__

Paper bags and angry voices

Under a sky of dust

Another wave of tension

Has more than filled me up

All my talk of taking action

These words were never true

Now I find myself in question

(They point the finger at me again)

Guilty by association

(You point the finger at me again)

Instead of going to her birthday party, she went to a funeral. She said nothing about what she had seen. Her mother said nothing. The black, so much black, like her father's hair. The red, red roses. The smell, the smell of the roses. Those roses, she knew what they smelt like now, they smelt like death. The gold, the gold hair of her mother, which she had always seen as a type of beautiful aura around her mother, now she knew better.

__

I wanna run away

Never say good-bye

I wanna know the truth

Instead of wondering why

I wanna know the answers

No more lies

I wanna shut the door

And open up my mind

She rolled off of her bed, and walked over to her desktop, she could hear the noise of her computer, but the screen was black, blank. She fumbled over the scatterings of things there, and found what she wanted. She walked past her nightstand and grabbed the belt that lay there and continued on to her dresser. She sat in front of it, in front of the larger mirror on it. Her hair was let down, and ragged, it was long, dark circles sat under her eyes, and her eyes were cold, lifeless. She slapped the back of her arm and waited.

__

I'm gonna run away and never say goodbye!

She took the cap off of the syringe in her hand and looked at the liquid inside. Taking the belt, she wrapped it around her arm, pulling it tightly and holding it with her teeth.

__

I'm gonna run away and never wonder why!

She looked down at her arm, looked at the spots where she had done this before. Looked at the place where she willingly stuck herself with a needle and pumped smack into herself. It was all worth it, as long as it took her to where she wanted to be.

__

I'm gonna run away and open up my eyes!

She heard the sounds, sounds she heard almost every night. The sounds of her mother screaming and throwing things. She heard it all. She needed a hit. She needed to be loved. She needed someone to trust. She was never loved. She knew the truth now. The needle pierced her skin, she slid it in, and her head lolled back as the heroine was thrust into her vein. She fell over, onto her carpeted floor, completely enjoying the intense feeling of being loved.

__

I wanna run away

Never say good-bye

I wanna know the truth

Instead of wondering why

I wanna know the answers

No more lies

I wanna shut the door

And open up my mind

I wanna run away

And open up my mind

I wanna run away

And open up my mind.

notes: Sailor Moon belongs to Naoko. Thanks to Linkin Park for the song, they're just about the best band in the world by the way. "Runaway" is the song and the album is called Hybrid Theory, go pick it up today! 


End file.
